I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
