theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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