I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
