Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
