Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
