Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
