I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
