textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
