Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize