I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
