god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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