She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
