I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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