How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
