Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
