I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
