If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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