you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just forgot I was standing up.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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