Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
