when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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