We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
