i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
