she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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