My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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