next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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