hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
