tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
