i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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