Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize