After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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