He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're like the curious george of whores
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
