I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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