So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
