I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
