Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
