She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
