I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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