NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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