We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
