This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
