It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
