Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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