He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
