her vagine was all disorganized.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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