He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
