hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
