I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
