He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
