I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
