U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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