When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
