There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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