Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
