he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
