bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize