she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
