How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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