The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
