I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
