honey bunches of taint.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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