I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize