btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
