He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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