i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
