my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
