if i died would you start the facebook group?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
