No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
