She is in my trunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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