i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
