just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
