this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
