EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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