jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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