She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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