the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
