i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
