Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
