If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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