i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
