I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
