Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
