Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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