I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
