I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
