Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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