Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need moral support for this bender
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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