Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
