:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
