Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
