i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
