i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
