i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Boobs are out for the taking
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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