just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
