Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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