Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
