Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
