Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
