Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Quick, to the slutcave!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
