gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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