Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
