your parents love me but you hate me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
