remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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