She even gives head with a lisp.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
