Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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