i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
