So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Terrible idea I love it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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