There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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